“You probably piss sweet tea.”

“Some day you wake up and immediately start to worry. Nothing in particular is wrong, it’s just the suspicion that forces are aligning quietly and there will be trouble.”

“The best revenge is living well. The second best revenge is fire ants.”

Missing shots from Alyssa's

“I’m speaking to you, dear viewer.”

“I don’t know whether that screaming man with the handgun was part of the play or not. And I don’t want to know. Shakespeare is awesome.” –A Softer World

“I like people in costume. They’re neat.” –Alyssa

Colonial Williamsburg, guilt tripping whitey at much at they can.

All quiet on the eastern front.

“How about, don’t wear fake beards or you’ll get arrested.” –Gerald, Hey Arnold

“I put an awful lot of effort into not offending people, considering how bored I am.” –A Softer World

“Shy people notice everything but they don’t get noticed.”

“A recent study shows that the heart grows weaker every time we do something opposite of what we feel.” –Readers Digest

“Don’t talk about the moon as if you invented it.”

“The more one talks, the less the words mean.”